Their lateness is not about you!

 People who are chronically late do not intend to

 annoy or disrespect you; their lateness is not

 about you. 

A.W. Holdridge

Punctuality is often treated as a moral virtue. Those who consistently show up late are judged harshly—seen as careless, irresponsible, or even selfish. But if you've ever dealt with someone who struggles with chronic lateness, there's one thing you need to know: it's not about you.

A Personal Perspective: The Struggle of Time Blindness

I've always admired people who can anticipate exactly how long things will take—who seem to glide effortlessly through life with precise planning and execution. I am not one of those people. My entire life, I've been late—not because I don't care, but because my brain seems to operate in a different time zone altogether.

One vivid memory from my childhood is when my mom would tell me to 'be ready in ten minutes.' I'd interpret that as, 'You have time to start a whole new activity.' I'd begin reading a book, organizing my desk, or start writing, convinced that a few minutes hadn't passed yet. When I'd finally check the time, a whole thirty minutes had slipped away.

Later, as an adult, I found myself constantly underestimating how long things took. I'd plan a morning schedule that included making breakfast, replying to emails, showering, getting dressed, and leaving for work—all within 30 minutes. That's not possible. But my mind would insist it was every single day.

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The Science Behind Chronic Lateness

Psychologists suggest that chronic lateness is often linked to traits such as optimism bias—the belief that we can accomplish more in a short span than reality allows. This isn't intentional deception; it's how some brains process time.

Research also connects chronic lateness to ADHD, executive function disorders, and anxiety. Many people who struggle with lateness experience difficulty transitioning between tasks, a poor internal clock, and heightened stress over deadlines. Ironically, their desire to be on time can make them late—they overcompensate, overthink, and end up spiraling into delay.

A study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that Type B personalities—those who are more relaxed and creative thinkers—are far more likely to be chronically late than their Type A counterparts, who tend to thrive on strict schedules. The way we experience time is deeply individual.

I remember one particular job interview where I left "plenty of time" for my commute. What I didn't account for was traffic, parking struggles, and the fact that "ten minutes to get ready" always turns into twenty. I arrived ten minutes late, flustered and apologetic, but the hiring manager was irritated. I wasn't unprofessional—I had planned for punctuality—but my mind had miscalculated reality.

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Practical Insights: It's About Patterns, Not Intent

So, what can you do if someone in your life is chronically late? The first step is changing the narrative. Instead of assuming lateness reflects a lack of respect for you, recognize it as part of their internal challenges.

That said, persistent lateness does impact relationships and plans. The key is to have an open conversation. This is not a conversation based on blame but one rooted in understanding and empathy. For those who struggle with lateness, implementing small strategies can be helpful. Setting alarms earlier than necessary, planning for "buffer time," and using external cues to gauge time more effectively can all be beneficial.

As someone who has battled time blindness my whole life, one of the most helpful adjustments has been tricking myself into punctuality. If I need to be somewhere by 6:00 PM, I tell myself the event starts at 5:30. The extra time acts as a safeguard. I also force myself to pause before doing 'one last thing' before heading out the door—it's usually what gets me in trouble. Another strategy that has worked for me is setting alarms for each step of my morning routine, ensuring I stay on track throughout the day.

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If you're someone who struggles with time blindness, know that you're not alone. And if you're someone who's frustrated by a chronically late friend, know that it's not a personal issue. It's about their internal challenges, not a reflection of their feelings towards you.